Imagine Your Life Without a Timeline How to Succeed on Your Own Terms

Imagine Your Life Without a Timeline How to Succeed on Your Own Terms Many people have told me that they feel behind in life because theyre failing to meet their timelines those life plans with milestones we all feel like we are supposed to achieve within defined time frames. These milestones and timelines are actually externally imposed, yet we internalize them so thoroughly that we feel like failures when were elend on track with them.And so, I started wondering what life would look like without a timeline. Here are some ways to think about it, excerpted from my forthcoming book, What Game Are You Playing?.***When youre creating your game, first and foremost, ditch the timeline, whether its imposed by you or by someone else. Measuring yourself against an externally imposed timeline is the best way to let life pass you by. Also, when youve set a timeline for yourself, whenever the unexpected happens and throws you off track whether its fun and surp rise and opportunity or loss and struggle you feel like a loser because you didnt hit a milestone by a specific date. Take the pressure off by removing the timeline.This is really difficult for most people because we are taught to think in terms of timelines. Get a drivers license at 16, finish high school at 18, and finish college at 22. Then our timelines tell us by what age we should get a job and an apartment, buy a car, be in a serious relationship, get married, have kids, reach management and leadership levels at work, hit financial goals, buy a home, and do all of those other things we think were supposed to be doing.When I spoke with a colleague about this one day, she really freaked out. She said she couldnt even imagine a life game without a timeline, and she asked me what that would even look like because it was so far-fetched for her. I responded that it means you know, no matter what age you are, youll have opportunities to love and be loved in all sorts of ways by all sorts of people. (My experience is love rarely comes in the form I expect it to come in, but I have learned to embrace it nonetheless.)It means you can get married in your 20s, 30s, 40s or even your 80s. Some people get married once, some marry multiple times, and some not at all.It means you can have kids over a range of 20-30 years of your adult life or not at all. People have children through adoption, with a partner, or with the help of medical intervention. They can parent their children alone, with partners, and with extended support groups. People who have become parents at various ages and under varying circumstances have led happy lives and have great kids. The idea of an optimal age to have kids is an externally imposed one that you dont have to internalize or follow.It means that you work on financial goals every single day and that living within your means is the best way to achieve them. As such, making decisions about renting versus buying a home or building a finan cial cushion arent part of a timeline but rather part of your everyday job to take care of yourself just like eating well, going to the gym, and sleeping.It means finding work that fits into the rest of your life, working hard, and contributing to your organization.It means knowing that if your work and value arent being appreciated, or that your work situation just isnt fitting with the rest of what you want to be doing in your life, you can find another situation. Hitting a management or avice-president level by a certain age is less important than contributing, being valued, and having interesting work.ur timelines are built around others expectations, so try to imagine designing your life around the things that are most important to you instead. Imagine that you focus on living life with joy and growth regardless of the timing. Imagine not feeling behind because you know you are playing your own game not someone elses.Get focused on where you want to grow and have experiences, like learning a language, or traveling to new places, or learning to code or to cultivate a vegetable garden or to dance or to laugh or to challenge yourself intellectually or at work with new assignments or to write a screenplay. These can be things that enhance your life both personally and professionally, because those two worlds actually go together in that the ways you want to grow personally also may help you grow professionally.Then, get focused on the kinds of people you want to do all of this with. Not specific names, but qualities of people those who are supportive of you, accept you for who you are, and will accompany you in your pursuit of joy and growth. Then go find more of these people and surround yourself with them.Yes, we all have to pay our bills. Get focused on what that equation looks like, too but only after youve thought about where your joy comes from, what kinds of growth you are seeking, and what kinds of relationships you want to invite into your life. Fund those things first, and then think about how big your house needs to be and what brands of clothes you want to buy.Finally, dont compare yourself to others when youre trying to figure out if your life is going the way it needs to go. Youre living your life. Other people are living theirs. Comparisons arent valid because youre apples and theyre oranges. You can both be awesome and both be winning your own games at the same time.Instead, stay focused on what is right for you. Let the external pressure to measure up to others fall away. Its harder than it sounds, but remember that your life is not about playing someone elses game, so dont measure yourself by their rules and standards of success. Design, play, and win at your own game instead.Adapted fromWhat Game Are You Playing? A Framework for Redefining Success and Achieving What Matters Most, availableon September 10, 2019.Robin Moriarty, PhD, is a global business executive, speaker, author, adjunct professor, and thought lead er for businesses and nonprofit organizations. Connect with Robin at www.gutsy.world.